Grief changes the world you live in. When someone you love dies, your heart and mind are flooded with feelings that can be confusing, overwhelming, and at times even contradictory. Many people find comfort in what has become known as the “Five Stages of Grief” — a model first described by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. These are not rules or a fixed timeline, but rather common emotional responses that many people experience in some form as they adjust to a profound loss.
At first, it may feel impossible to accept that your loved one is truly gone. You might catch yourself thinking, “This can’t be happening.” This early response — what some call denial — is one way your mind protects you from being overwhelmed. It creates a buffer, a momentary space where reality feels too raw and sudden to fully absorb.
As the shock begins to fade, intense feelings can rise to the surface. Anger might flare up — at the world, at life, at yourself, or even at the person you’ve lost. You may question why the loss had to happen, or feel frustrated that life seems so unfair. These emotions are a natural part of the human response to loss, and they reflect how deeply you cared.
There are moments when you might find yourself lost in thoughts of “what if…” — wishing for a different timeline, replaying choices, or imagining deals you could have made to change the outcome. This experience, often called bargaining, doesn’t mean you were at fault — it simply shows how desperately you wanted to hold on to what was lost.
Then come the quiet, heavy waves of realisation. The deep sadness that settles in may feel like it will never lift. This part of grief — often described as depression — is when you begin to fully comprehend the impact of the loss. You may feel overwhelmed, tired, or strangely disconnected from the life you once knew. It’s important to be gentle with yourself in these moments, and to reach out for support when the weight feels too heavy to carry alone.
With time, there can come a shift — not a forgetting, but a learning to live alongside the loss. Acceptance doesn’t mean that the pain is gone or that you no longer miss your loved one. Rather, it means that the reality of the loss has become part of your life story, and you begin to find ways to move forward while honouring your love and memories.
It’s important to remember that this emotional journey isn’t linear. You may feel multiple feelings at once, revisit emotions you thought had passed, or find that certain days — anniversaries, holidays, simple quiet moments — bring things rushing back. Grief isn’t a path with clear milestones; it’s a deeply human experience that unfolds in its own way and in its own time.
No matter where you find yourself in this journey, it’s okay to grieve at your own pace, in your own way. There is no right or wrong way to feel, and no set order for how grief must come. What matters most is that you allow yourself space to feel, to remember, and to heal.